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The Rules

Dealer shuffles pack. Each player receives 5 cards. Choose who is to go first.

Each player in turn picks up a card from the deck and plays a RED card against any opponent. The opponent then responds to play by using a card from his hand. If, however, the player has no red cards in her hand then she may pass. That is, each play begins with a form of aggression ie a red card. The player can not start a play with a yellow or green card.

The player may choose any opponent to play against. Opponent may respond or may pass.

If the opponent cannot respond to a play or chooses pass, the player and opponents receive and lose points according to the last card played (points for self-esteem, anger and guilt). The points are on the lower half of the card, labelled Player and "Opp" for opponent. The person who played the card is considered to be the player. At the end of a turn the losing opponent may choose to pick up the played cards and keep them in his/her hand. Otherwise the opponent returns the card to the discard pile. The cards in the discard pile are not used again.

At the start of your turn, you can choose to discard a card rather than playing it. If you picked up a red card, for example, you may choose to discard it and end your turn. In this way you can choose the aggressive behaviours that you want to keep and get rid of the nasty ones.

The opponent can respond to a card if the number on the response card is 1 higher, the same or one lower. For example if the player played a number 5 (in any colour) then the opponent could play a 4, 5 or 6 in any colour. If a player plays a number 1, however, the opponent can only respond with a 1 or a 2 in any colour. Similarly if the player plays a 7, the opponent can only respond with a 6 or a 7.

Forgiveness cards can be played as a 4,5,6,or 7. They can only be played as a response, however.

Once a card has been played the opponent and player can keep responding again to each card as long as he/she can play a legal response or runs out of cards.

The game ends when there are no cards left in the pack.

The player with the most number of self-esteem points is the winner of the game. Each player adds 1 point for each self esteem, subtract one for each anger and each guilt, add 1 to their score 1 point for each green or yellow card remaining in their hand and subtracts one for each red card.

The Cards

The anger cards represent angry or aggressive behaviour, thereby forcing a response.

Yellow cards represent an emotionally controlled response to aggressive behaviour that protects your position. Green cards represent responses to aggressive behaviour from your friends, where you believe that they genuinely don’t mean to harm you.

Level 1 - Rudeness

Action: Saying something or doing something bad that upsets your opponent.

Instead: Tell your opponent not to speak like that.

In this game, rudeness is the lowest form of aggression. The person receiving the rudeness loses a small amount of self-esteem.

RESPONSES

An aggressive response to rudeness would be to either be rude back or to escalate the situation by being nasty back. If your opponent has no red cards left, you may find that this is a way to get back at them. Remember that you will also attract guilt and anger points with this tactic.

A Self-Control response to rudeness is to tell the other person not to speak like that. A level 2 Self-Control response would be to speak with confidence about the person’s behaviour. Point out what is wrong with the behaviour.

A friendly response, level 1, is tolerance. Perhaps your friend does not realise that he/she has offended you. In this response, you just let it go but it is really meant to avoid escalation on minor things.

Level 2, friendly response is to use humour to diffuse the situation. Make a joke of what was said. This is better than internalising it and is a face to show that the offence didn’t affect you. If your friend keeps offending you, it is easier to turn around from humour and stand up than to just say nothing an stew over the offence.

Level 2: Nasty

Action: Saying something or doing something that upsets your opponent.

Instead: Tell your opponent not to speak like that.

The player of this card is going a bit further than rudeness. He is saying or doing something that he would reasonably expect the opponent would get upset about. It is a deliberate move on the player’s part to harm the opponent emotionally.

Aggressive (Red) Responses to 2.Nasty

The two red responses to this are Level 1 – rudeness or level 3 Shame. Let’s look at them in turn.

Being rude back to someone being nasty may encourage the player to push on with more insults. It may be a way to try and save face. Rudeness as a response to nastiness does not seem like a good tactic to me!

A level 3 red response to this is shame or humiliation. You publicly expose the player’s weakness in order to get them to back down. This could of course back-fire if they decided to escalate further.

Self Control (Yellow) Responses

The three yellow responses to this card are 1. Stand Up, 2. Confidence and 3.Approach. A Self-Control response to rudeness is to tell the other person not to speak like that. A level 2 Self-Control response would be to speak with confidence about the person’s behaviour. Point out what is wrong with the behaviour. Level 3 response is Approach. Say something in private rather than humiliating or embarrassing your opponent.

Friendly (Green) Responses

Level 3 response is to tell your friend what it is that is upsetting you, rather than assuming that he/she knows. Don't confide in you enemies, however, as they may try to embarrass you. This response is different to approach in that you may reveal to your friend the reasons why their behaviour upsets you.

Levl 4: Shame

Action: Saying something or doing something that embarrasses or makes them feel ashamed in front of others.

Instead: Say something in private.

The player is trying to embarrass you by revealing something private, probably behaviour. The player is going beyond confrontation (yellow) but deliberately showing up your weakness in public. There is an element of truth in what the player says.

Aggressive (Red) Responses

You could play a Level 2 Nasty card back. A nasty response doesn’t have to be true and will cause less upset than shame. You could also play shame back if you have one. To escalate the situation, play a yelling and screaming card.

Self Control (Yellow) Responses

A level 2 Self-Control response would be to speak with confidence about the person’s behaviour. Point out what is wrong with the behaviour. Level 3 response is approach. Say something in private rather than humiliating or embarrassing your opponent. Level 4 is Command. Take control of the situation.: Use one or two commands. Tell your opponent exactly what to do and how to behave.

eg "BACK OFF, CALM DOWN". You are not trying to reason with your opponent nor verbally attack them. There must be a certainty of what you want them to do, without making threats of any kind.

Friendly (Green) Response

Level 4: Forgive instead of remembering the anger. However, if someone is hurting you then tell someone that you trust.

4. Yelling and Screaming.

Action: Yelling at your opponent to try and get your own way.

Instead: just speak normally.

Yelling and screaming is aggressive behaviour that leaves the attacker feeling better in the short term but does they lose self esteem through guilt and anger.

Aggressive (Red) Responses

The three aggressive responses in this game are: 3 humiliating the player back, 4 yelling and screaming back or 5 breaking things.

Self Control (Yellow) Responses

Level 3 response is approach. Say something in private rather than humiliating or embarrassing your opponent. Level 4 is command. Take control of the situation.: Use one or two commands. Tell your opponent exactly what to do and how to behave.

eg "BACK OFF, CALM DOWN". You are not trying to reason with your opponent nor verbally attack them. There must be a certainty of what you want them to do, without making threats of any kind. Level 5 is to confront: Tell your opponent what is making you angry and what you want him/her to do.

Green (Friendly) Responses

Perhaps your friend just had a one-off episode, so forgive them and move on. Pick up your own self-esteem points and don’t get dragged down by the emotions. Repeated attacks of yelling and screaming should be responded to by yellow.

5. Breaking things.

Action: Deliberately breaking something of your opponent.

Instead: Instead: tell your opponent what is making you angry and what you want him/her to do.

Aggressive (Red) Responses:

In this game you could use the following cards:

4 yelling and screaming back, 5 breaking things or 6 physical harm. Since none of these things are very nice things to do in reality, it’s not okay to do these things to others. But let’s see what happens in the game.

Self-Control (Yellow) Responses:

Level 4 is command. Take control of the situation.: Use one or two commands. Tell your opponent exactly what to do and how to behave.

eg "STOP!, CALM DOWN". You are not trying to reason with your opponent nor verbally attack them. There must be a certainty of what you want them to do, without making threats of any kind. Level 5 is to confront: Tell your opponent what is making you angry and what you want him/her to do.

Level 6 is self-defence. Use sufficient force to keep yourself from harm but no more.

Green Response

It is very difficult indeed for anyone to justify throwing things or breaking things of yours. Use your forgiveness cards to protect you soul from being destroyed. It has nothing to do with making your friend feel better about what they did.

Level 6 Hurting others

Instead: Use Command, Command – eg “back off! calm down.”

Aggressive (Red) Responses

Aggressive responses to physical pain are damaging the opponent's things, hitting back or using hidden anger. None of these things work very well in reality but they are quite popular.

Self-Control Responses:

Self-Defence is a clear option to defend against harm but hurting them back rarely solves the problem. Level 5 response is to tell them to stop in no uncertain terms. Level 7 is Challenge: Tell your opponent what is wrong with his/her behaviour. Find out what the real problem is rather than thinking that you know. If someone physically hurts you then tell someone that you trust.

Friendly Response (Green)

A friend who deliberately hurts you is no friend indeed.

Level 7 – Hidden Anger

Action: Secretly do something to make him or her really angry

Aggressive (Red) Responses:

Respond with level 6 hurting others or another hidden anger card.

Self Control (Yellow) Responses

Level 6 response is Self Defence. Level 7 is Challenge: Tell your opponent what is wrong with his/her behaviour. Find out what the real problem is rather than thinking that you know.

Friendly Response (Green)

In the game you know who played the hidden anger card. Respond with a forgiveness card so that you don’t have to add the 10 anger points to your score.